Went down the WRONG TRAIL!

This will be a short story of my journey, thus far.

Yes, a choice was made, and it took me down the WRONG TRAIL!

It was a trail of binge drinking, hurting peoples hearts, people that you truly care for, but in the state of binge drinking, not aware that you are causing damage.

A journey that wish never happened, but it did. Hurt the one I loved, and she had no idea why this was happening.

After soul searching, realized that blame was placed on her for something she did not do. It was completely my fault for NOT communicating with her my concerns. That resulted in a not so good outcome. Again, she is not at fault, yet, in my heart, blamed her. And that, was wrong! So very wrong! If only we could go back in time and make some different choices. THAT is neither here nor there anymore. I hurt her beyond forgiveness. She has moved on, and I will remain faithful to her. No matter what, even if it means being alone for the rest of my life. This is where my heart is now. As our Creator has shown me where the fault is, and how to fix it.

Yes, I went down the wrong trail and for that, brought shame on me and hurt to the ones that really love. She is the most loving person that I have ever met, on so many levels!

It all started with Lack of Communication

LACK OF ANY COMMUNICATION

keep It
simple

It was not her fault.

It was the fault of my own doing.

We took a break from life, and I should have

Communicated to you, my concern on the length

Of time.  But, that did not happen. 

Should have talked to you, but that did not happen.

My concern was for that of my job, had a concern,

But did not share that.  Was I excited, or trying to

Show off?  This is not entirely certain.

If we could go back in time, knowing what is known now,

Would have made the choice to talk to you and share

The concern.

Instead,  we went on a wedding, honeymoon, vacation

For 14 days.  My cell phone was put in the hotel safe,

And felt I should have said something about that,  but did not.

The pattern was, communication from my heart, should have happened.

As a result, when we got back, my job was taken away from me.

They said it was due to downsizing, but in my heart, felt it

Was because of my duration away.

As a result of that action from the company I was at, my  heart

Became resentful and actually blamed my new wife for what had

Happened, and that was wrong, incorrect and way off base!!

The choices made, after that, blamed you for what had happened,

And chose to drink, full of shame, resentment and sadness, and you

Did absolutely nothing wrong.  Feel so bad for the choice I made

To drink.  It took some serious soul searching to figure out what had

Happened, and why.  If there was a way to turn back time, would love

To do that, and actually communicate with you before the trip to the

Island.  Now, the creation of that choice, become horrible and

Ended up in a tail spin, that could not seem to recover from.  Until now.

I am not a narcissist, became that from drinking, being resentful and

Not know what was being said while in a drinking state.

Now, my heart is on the mend, from the nasty choice that was made, and

Can only hope and pray that your heart can completely heal.

Keep It Simple

To say, “I’m sorry!”  Just is not enough.

Wish a different path was taken in the choice for our trip.  Wish that

Things could be different now.

Wish we were still together doing this right, instead of the wrong

Way that I chose to go down.

Wish the opportunity was there to apologize and heal.

No, “I’m sorry” just doesn’t work.  Wish there was a way to start this

Over, the right way.