Life & Change Happens

October

The past couple of months have been full of change, and life has been extremely rough. I realize now, that alot of what has happened is directly the result of a choice that was made by me. And, my, now, ex-wife had enough. 😦

I was an idiot, and ran from facing my demons, and didn’t get rid of it. Instead, allowed shame to play a major roll in my heart, and that literally destroyed any relationship that was had by myself and my ex-wife. I hid…simply the wrong thing to do.

November

the first two weeks of November, was numb and in shock. No communication with my ex-wife at all. And that greatly saddens my heart, and yet, completely understand. It is my hope that her heart and sould completely heals. I pray for her and the boys everynight. I work at an auto dealer, and find myself hoping I see them drive by. My heart misses them dearly. Have worked everyday in November, except for thanksgiving, which just stayed home, binge watched netflix, played xbox and ate a turkey tv-dinner. Found myself crying many times that day, simply missing the company of my ex and the boys. As a result of working everyday, it was my best sales month ever, and am grateful for that. I worked everyday, for my sanity, could not stay home, would just get in my head and feel sad and sorry for myself, and did not want to do that.

December

Well, a new month is here, and hope to have a good one in sales. Everyday, I think about my ex and the boys wondering how they are doing. Do they miss me? No communication with them, and understand that. Hope and pray that we can talk once again. At least in the not so distant future. That is my hope and prayer. So, find myself facing what has held me back, and now moving forward, and moving into an area of healing that has not been allowed in my heart, by me. It has to happen, for my health and for any future successes in all aspects of life. I’m not who I was just 45 days ago. Change has literally happened, and going to come out of this strong and who I am suppose to be. I miss my ex-wife and the boys dearly. Have no clue where they are, how they are. I have come to understand that she had to be in the hospital with the oldest for a week, and had no idea, that shocked me and saddened me at the same time. That had to have been a horrible experience. Well, moving forward. Will smile, heal and learn to walk in peace once again.