So, during a deep time of reflection this past morning, realized, in a very real way, and, “Felt” the pain that I caused to my wife with the mis-use of my words. The sad and unfortunate thing, is these times happened while I was under the influence of Alcohol, and was under the influence, through a series of unfortunate events, and it all boiled down to me, making a bad choice, and now, am paying for that choice.
Was feeling this anguish in my spirit since about 1:30 am last night, woke up from a dream, in tears, feeling the pain and sorrow that brought to my wife. Yes, this is very difficult to share, and talk about, but, it is a real thing. There is hope, yes, but this season, is very difficult, for all of us, all because I made a bad choice. There is no one to blame, but myself, for my choice, and I take it even a step further to say that the enemy of my soul has been at work to Steal, Kill and Destroy all that God has set before Jill and I.
Now, we are reeling from the pain of what happened this past year. For you see, this event has happened a handful of times, and each time, i promised to make things right, and yet, chose that path like 6 times, and now, paying for it all dearly.
Please pray for my wife Jill. She felt the sting of the words I spoke, which, by the way, were not true. They were all lies of the enemies camp. It is during this course that I realized that the battle was literally going on between my hears and in my brain. And the enemy used alcohol as a catalyst to compound the problem. Yes, I still take full responsibility, and now, only wish I can take back the words that were spoken. Oh how I pray that God will redeem the time and the days.
God gave me a dream the past 48 hours, and it showed me some very real hope of restoration, healing, love, joy, peace, forgiveness, wholeness and a time of refreshing, this time is here, now and God is asking me to declare the power word of his promise and cancel out the negative words that were spoken. I have been in the battle of my life for my marriage, spiritually, right now.
No more, is there any desire for alcohol, in any form. From this day forward, I chose to live free of alcohol and its power. With my higher power by my side, and in my heart, I am overcoming this.
My choice is from chains, to freedom.
And I know exactly what that looks like, how it feels, and how life should be done! I have missed it for over a year, been getting alot right, but missed one very crucial point in life to be truely successful, and that is following my Creator, with all my Heart. Which, when done, brings very real life transformation, brings healing, brings restoration, brings freedom and brings lots of hope. As I learn to stand on His word no matter what life throws in my direction. No more Fear, only Faith. I am taking a step out of the boat to head towards my creator, in this storm I am in, and believing that all will be well.
Yes, it was sins of the past that brought me to this point in life. And that of not dealing with things that were brought to my attention years ago. Now, they are dealt with, and it is time to move forward and move upward and onward.
It is my hope and prayer that God Fully Redeems and Restores Jill and I and our relationship. I was told, as was spending some time in prayer, and believe that God spoke to my heart. Was wondering why I could not stop thinking of Jill, why and how this new found relationship has caused my heart to literally go pitter patter. THAT has never happened to me before, like ever. Then God spoke to my heart and said, “I wired you to love her.” And she told me that God spoke to her heart that it was okay to “Love Me” as well. And so began our journey.
Now, because of a bad choice, our relationship teeters on the depths of despair.
Please, this is my plea, “Pray that God heals and Restores our relationship.