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A Note To The Men

Dear men,

You have probably heard so many words describing all of the ways you are failing. You’ve heard that you either aren’t empowering enough or that you don’t have enough of a backbone. You either don’t know how to pursue, or you move too fast. You are either are too confident or too timid, too successful or not successful enough, too overbearing or not invested enough.

A Fatherless Generation

In this fatherless generation, most of you had to define masculinity on your own. Even those of you who had a father figure, your image of masculinity was shaped by the message of advertisement, the entertainment industry and recent cultural movements. You probably had few examples to look up to, and even fewer godly men to mentor you.

Pornography, homosexuality and infidelity became the norm instead of the exception. The goal of being “on top” was esteemed so highly that it seemed to justify the means. Countless examples have shown that you could get away with overpowering or even violating the very people you were called to protect.

Being unbreakable

Strength was defined as being unbreakable, untouchable, unaffectable. Strong men don’t cry. Strong men don’t ask for help. Strong men don’t admit to any weakness. Strong men push through and don’t rest until it’s done.

Redefining Masculinity

In the midst of all of this, there’s a movement starting that’s redefining masculinity. We have seen it happening around us. We are surrounded by men who have so clearly stepped into who they are that they are causing a ripple effect. We see strong men that are moved by compassion, dare to be undignified in their worship like king David, and are tender-hearted towards the ones they love. We see you and we thank you for the gift that you are.


Vulnerability and Strength

The truth is that you are allowed to have needs. You are allowed to be human. You are allowed to be tired, and ask for help. True, lasting strength comes from your ability to lean on God. When you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders, you are invited into His Presence to rest and refill. Vulnerability is not the opposite of strength, it is an expression of it.

An offensive Jesus 

You also have full permission to be unapologetic in your strength. You are allowed to be bold. Jesus, the greatest example of true masculinity, was too! He offended people with truth. He turned tables upside down. He broke every rule in the book in order to defend the weak. He sat in the dirt with sinners. He had dinner with prostitutes and frauds. He spat in the mud to heal a man’s eyes. He got angry. He told some highly-esteemed leaders that they were dead inside. He challenged the rich man to sell everything, and didn’t make any concession when he didn’t return.

The church flannels may have taught us otherwise, but Jesus wasn’t the soft man with purple linen robes, blue eyes and a perfectly curled beard. This softening of the Gospels doesn’t reflect the Jesus that Matthew, Luke and John wrote about.

Jesus as a Man

Jesus was a man. He was bold, and fierce, and honest, and protective, and strong. He was also kind, and gentle. He played with little kids. He let twelve men become his best friends. He retreated often to talk with His Father. He wept when His cousin died. His heart was moved when a woman gave Him a year’s wages to show her dedication to Him. He was tender-hearted, and strong. He was both. And so are you.

You don’t have to apologize for your strength, boldness and power. The world needs you to be a man. You don’t have to shrink in order to make space for others. You don’t have to decrease your masculinity in order to encourage and empower others.

Called to Thrive

You are needed in this world, so it’s time to dream again. Many of you have felt that you needed sacrifice your passion in order to fulfill your obligations and responsibilities. God wants you to be fully alive. He wants you to not merely survive and provide, but to thrive. He is calling you to become a man who is walking out his divine purpose alongside of your passion. God wants you to have both: passion AND purpose.

Your strength is a gift, and God isn’t worried that you’ll build your own kingdom of power. He believes in your ability to fiercely protect what He has given you. He sees your heart to pull others up, to fight for justice, to pursue what God has called you to.

An apology

We, as women,  see your heart, too. We’re sorry for all the times that we’ve made you feel like you weren’t good enough for us. We ask for forgiveness for the high demands we put on you. We never want to make you feel like you lost the game before you even started. It’s time that we, as women, start supporting and championing you, like you do for us.

We’re amazed by your strength and your kindness. We celebrate your unwavering desire to get to the top of whatever mountain you’ve claimed as your own. We believe in you, we know that you’ll get there.

Resetting the standard


God wants to breathe life into your dreams. He wants to redefine strength for you. Take your boldness to stand in faith, declaring that you will believe His promises.

There’s enough time left to become the man you are called to be. You are not behind on the timeline of success. You are right where you’re supposed to be and you have what it takes.

We can’t wait to see what you will do with what you’ve been given. Your life is a reflection of the Jesus who has fiery eyes and an open embrace. You represent Him well, and you will set an example for your sons, grandsons and many other young men that are watching you.










Rebuilding the impossible

From Ashes to Beauty

This season, God is whispering much-needed perspective and understanding when we quiet ourselves before Him. He is rebuilding the impossible right now and redeeming your family line.  He loves how He created you and wants to discover more of who you are with you! It’s time to celebrate, for it’s harvest time!  



Psalm 46.10 proclaims, “Be still and know that I am God,” which is a welcome reminder as we emerge from the busyness of the previous season.  Just when we are ready to start this next chapter with gusto, determined to be proactive and really do things right this time, the Lord wants us to slow down.  Take time to just be with Him and listen.  Focus on the testimony of who He’s been to you in the last season.  We have a tendency to push forward into the new season but He’s pulling back the reins a bit, and the reward will be worth it.  He wants to bring specific insight and understanding, but we must be still in order to hear it.  He is releasing a new perspective if we are simply quiet enough to hear Him, and still enough to enjoy His presence.  A beautiful meditation for you in your stillness: “For the Lord is good, and His love endures forever, His faithfulness continues through all generations,” Psalm 100.4.  


The Lord is rebuilding the impossible.  Things that have felt like they would never change in the past, such as lost children, stuck marriages, difficult family dynamics, misunderstandings, relationships that seem to have ‘failed,’ and business struggles and challenges are all being restored.  The shaking and transition that you’ve been experiencing that has felt uncertain is actually preparing the foundation for Him to rebuild.  This shaking is also setting the stage for relationships with Him to be rebuilt, to restore what has been lost.  Those who have been grieved, offended, wounded, discouraged, distracted, deceived or hopeless He longs to woo back to Himself tenderly and gently.  Leaders that have had great influence and have fallen and have endured scandals or fallout from bad decisions are being restored.  He is also breaking generational curses.  If there is a pattern in your family that you can’t seem to break free from, God wants to redeem your family line.  If you ask, He will show you the role you have to play in bringing your family line under the blood of Jesus.  The undercurrent of all of this is restoration, but it looks like rebuilding.  Get ready for God to blow you away with his fiery love as He draws people closer to Him and closer to each other.  What seemed impossible for so long is now possible!  A theme of this year will be God restoring what has been lost and who has been lost, and it starts now! 


It is time to explore who God created you to be.  He created you as His own unique masterpiece with all your very own quirks and idiosyncrasies.  Psalm 139.13 declares, “‘You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb, I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Apart from your gifts and callings, which are irrevocable (Romans 11.29), God also treasures all the things that make you gloriously YOU.  He longs to discover the parts of you that you have yet to uncover, whether it’s that you enjoy painting, or whether it’s figuring out your favorite way to eat eggs, or your favorite coffee drink.  He loves spending time with you, and nothing is too trivial for Him.  This season, He wants to explore the nuances of you by your side.  


It is time for the harvest.  God has seen your generosity of heart and the ways that you’ve given to others, sowing seeds into their future.  It is time to reap the reward for your sacrifice and your toil.  There will be great celebrating and rejoicing as seeds that have been planted, prayers that have been prayed, and promises you’ve been believing for come to fruition!  It is time to feast on the goodness of God, and watch as He orchestrates this divine alignment into His purposes and plans.  


The angelic and spiritual realm are becoming more visible for those that are childlike enough to look.  Children have a purity of heart that can  allow them to see God (Matthew 5.8) more clearly.  God is the originator of beauty and He is making beauty and the angelic more available so that we can engage with what is possible.  Lord, open our eyes to see! 


  1. God breathes a new perspective when I’m still.
  2. God is rebuilding the impossible.  
  3. I have permission to be fully myself.
  4. Seeds planted in hope are being harvested.
  5. My family line is being restored.

Learning Curve

Keep It Simple

A great many people, especially in today’s society find themselves in trouble in their married lives. A majority of the problem lies within the heart of the man, as there is great responsibility to learn to lead your family. IF you are not in the position to learn how to lead your family, because you have been a lone wolf for so many years, well, the time is now to reinvent yourself. Is that even possible? The answer is yes, with God’s helpin the middle of this all, is possible.

Fix your broken marriage by reinventing yourself

Hardly any “marriage expert” will tell you this secret of marital success, primarily because they don’t think in those terms.

But it is true!

You CAN fix your broken marriage by reinventing yourself.

Reinventing yourself is not the same as fixing someone who is broken. Although there may seem to be an implication that there is something “wrong” with you, that is not at all the message.

Let me explain

What it meant is that you who are now in your marriage are probably not you who were adored when you got engaged.

Am I right?

I don’t mean the inner you, but the outer you, that your fiance was so enthralled with.

Contrary to what many people think, marriage is not merely a simple relationship that you enter from engagement, after dating. Marriage is a whole new world! It is as different as can be, and it needs special thinking and actions in order to get out of it what you wish. People bring into their marriages the same skills they use in the rest of the world, and discover their marriages are not anything like what they wanted. Not filled with joy, not very harmonious, and certainly not blissful. They don’t understand why. They “give it all they’ve got”, but still, it doesn’t work.

Reminds me of when I was a kid and decided I could fly.

So with all the determination I could muster at 5 or 6 years old, and all the various methods I could imagine, I wasn’t getting off the ground. I flapped my arms with all my might and speed, and jumped of our porch (nearly broke my ankles), and still no flight! But when I was 18, I went to flight school and learned all I needed to fly. Once I learned, it was easy!

Well, marriage is easy, too; when you know how!

This is the reinvent part; learning the how.

Consider this for starters.

Your marriage is a complex entity of at least six different relationships, all with their own rules. Your broken marriage will continue to break until you, sometimes just one of you, takes your marriage seriously enough to put the time into reinventing your approach to your spouse, the marriage, and yourself.

There is an underlying problem to your current snafu.

But the major underlying, and fixable, problem is very few people are “naturals” for marriage. So, all of this has to be learned. Otherwise, you will be flapping your arms in very creative ways, but will never get off the ground.

Marriage counseling will likely not work for your marriage.

Usually couples get into those because they think along the lines of “I’m not perfect, but they did this, or are always doing that”. Your sessions will not be productive because “human nature” is such that taking blame is very tough, and in those sessions couples are, at best, trying to find “fair”, which does not exist. In fact you will end up going deeper into your broken marriage, as the marriage counselors rarely are well trained.

By now you’ll realized that it doesn’t matter how long you have been married.

Marriages need a very different approach than what is popularly thought. There is a process I came up with to heal your marriage that will work, and it works because it is so obvious it is working as soon as you begin, and then you start to get excited by the prospects; it is hard to beat success and logic.

Here is what one of our new students said only a few days after starting our program.

“The fighting stopped and now I am thinking before I speak. I never thought of doing that before.”

Honestly, there is so much nonsense out there that people who begin our program are amazed at how quickly things change. But the best part is that the changes are permanent. I came up with all our programs because I was a divorce mediator who shifted gears when I saw how many families were collapsing simply because good people had no idea how to be married. When I searched for scientific methods for healing marriages I found NONE! So I created it myself. Now, the experts who review my work call it, above all, “practical”. That means it does what it is suppose to do. Imagine that!

Some couples who use our guidance begin with only the wife, or less often, the husband, taking the program. But I should not say “the” program because there are really two; one for husbands and the other for wives. In these cases we hope the other will see big changes and eventually join in. That is usually how it works when marriages turn around. But even if not, the one who takes the program is not pulling the whole marriage, but rather setting the example.

Even when couples work on their marriage “together” it is the individual effort one makes on themselves that really heals the marriage. You inevitably reinvent yourself.  Then, when you know how to be married, you have a great marriage.

How to Reinvent Yourself to Fix Your Broken Marriage

The first step is to learn about marriage.

How can you fashion yourself into the perfect married person if you don’t understand marriage?

For this you can use a marriage help book that doesn’t just make fun of marriage (like “Men are from Mars”). Books like that are fine for entertainment.

But have you ever heard anyone tell you “that book has changed my life, and my marriage is now great?” No, of course not. It’s a fun book, but not useful for a broken marriage.

Here’s a short story

A short story of a couple, whose husband was an Ashley Madison addict, clutched the book to her chest and said, “This book has saved my life.” Her marriage had been in shambles. Her husband had been on that crazy Ashley Madison site, and was dating young women. She was panicked! They had two little children and she had no idea what to do. But she trusted the book, and me, and never gave up on her husband no matter how far out he got (he was “sick”, so the “in sickness and in health” vow was meaningful to her). They are still together, and doing superbly. Though he never went on our program too, he did read the book.

To sum up, reinventing yourself according to what your marriage needs takes more than a resolution, or changing one or two things. It requires definite and scientific effort.

One thought to keep in mind is although some people think a divorce will put an end to the suffering, and the next marriage will be better; or better to live alone, it is rarely true. But they do not realize how much harder it is to live with their imperfections than it is to fix them, thus saving their marriage.

There is always hope until you quit. If you have a broken marriage, don’t give up. Best to take the next step. Get busy learning about marriage and make up your mind to get it right. You can do it.

What have you got to lose?

10 Tips for the Rookie Cars Salesman…

Starting out as a new car salesman or car saleswoman can be overwhelming so I put together these 10 tips for the rookie car salesman. Whether the dealership provides training or not these tips will help put you on the right track. You have so much to learn when you start your car sales career that it’s hard to keep it all straight. Not only do you have to learn about selling cars, but you also need to learn about the dealership where you will be working and their processes.

tips for the rookie car salesman

Every car dealership does things a little differently. So you will need to learn how your dealership operates. Most of those things will be shown to you by a sales manager or a salesperson. These tips for the rookie car salesman will provide you with a solid foundation. These universal pointers will help you transition you from rookie to successful car salesman.

Tips for the Rookie Car Salesman

  1. Dress for Success: Look the part and at minimum dress according to the dealerships dress code. But even more important for the novice car salesperson is to be clean, pressed, odorless and shoes shined. A little cologne or perfume is fine, but don’t get crazy. Look like a professional car salesman or woman and you will be accepted accordingly. Nobody wants to do business with a car salesperson that looks like they slept in their clothes and smells like an ashtray. Common sense dictates this rookie car salesman tip.
  2. Learn Your Inventory: Knowing your inventory is an ongoing process. You want to know what’s in stock and what was sold. Plus you want to keep an eye on your trade-ins. When you are working with a customer and need to switch cars you need to know what you have on hand. If you have to leave your customer sitting alone while you look for a switch car you are going lose the momentum. Of these tips for the rookie car salesman, knowing your inventory is one that makes a difference when it comes to being successful car salesperson.
  3. Product Knowledge: Besides everything else you need to learn, you also need to learn your product. That’s right you need to know what you are selling because your customers will ask questions just to see if you know what you are talking about. Unfortunately, this takes time and you want to start selling cars now. So when you get stuck on a product question let them know that you are new and still learning the product. But never guess or lie to a customer because most customers have been on the internet and know the car better than most salespeople. Tell them you will get them the answer for them and keep going. When you have to go to the desk, then you can get the answer. But don’t run to the desk with every little question they have. People are annoyed with salespeople that keep going back and forth to the manager. In fact, that is the number one pet peeve of car buyers and one of the best tips for the rookie car salesman.
  4. Make Friends: Be friendly and make friends with everyone at the dealership if possible. From your fellow salespeople to the service personnel, technicians, service writers, and the office staff. Everyone knows people that buy cars when they work at a dealership. They can be a great source for referrals when you are on good terms with your coworkers. Plus service people can let you know when they have a car in service that may need to be replaced soon. When you work with friends it makes working in the car business much easier.
  5. Observe Everything: Look around, watch and listen to everything that goes on throughout the day. This is a very good way to see how the dealership operates. Watch and listen without being rude or creepy. You can learn a lot by observing the day to day operations at a dealership. Plus you should keep your eye on the top salespeople and see how they operate. Watch the body language between salespeople and customers and it will help you be a better car salesman.
  6. Learn Your CRM: The CRM or Customer Relationship Management tool is a must when it comes to selling cars. This tool will help you follow up with customers, work with Internet customers and maintain a relationship for future business. Learn his tool inside and out and it will pay you back well. The better you know your CRM the better it will serve you. These tips for the rookie car salesman is essential to success.
  7. Don’t Talk Trash: When you are working with a customer and they mention another dealership never trash talk the other dealership. This is one of the quickest ways to lose a customer. You don’t know if they bought their last car there or have a friend that works there so don’t bad mouth the competition. People are typically turned off when car salespeople start talking trash and soon they will tell that they will be-back, but they won’t. DON’T DO IT EVER.
  8. Listen Closely: Listen to your customer closely. Most customers will tell you how to sell them a car if you listen closely. They might not come out and say it word for word, but they will tell you if you are listening. Ask questions and then shut up and listen. I have seen many salespeople talk themselves right out of a sale because they kept talking. Listen to what they say and use it to sell them a car and close the deal.
  9. Be-Backs: You will work with customers and they will tell you that they will be back. But they won’t be back, that is what they say so they can leave without buying a car. We call these customers Be-Backs. Don’t believe them because you will be disappointed. Customers do come back from time to time, but it’s rare. It may sound cynical but people will tell you that they will be-back just to leave. Use these experiences to learn because it’s very likely that you turned them into a Be-Back. Try to recall the time you spent with them and what you did or said that made them decide to leave before you sold them a car. This is an excellent learning experience and one of the best tips for the rookie car salesman.
  10. Give It TIme: This is probably one of the most important tips for the rookie car salesman. Don’t give up too soon. Obviously selling cars for a living is not for everyone, but you must give it sufficient time before you decide if being a car salesman is for you. I have always said that you must give it a minimum of 90 days before you make that decision. The car business is not like any other business and it takes time to learn and adjust. There is big money to be made, but you need to be committed, not just giving it a try. You won’t succeed with a “give it a try” attitude. You must commit to being a successful car salesperson and do what it takes to earn that six-figure income.

There is so much more to learn when you are a newbie car salesperson. However, these tips for the rookie car salesman will help you get started on your journey to becoming a successful car sales professional.

Later, Fresh Up on the Lot