A Note To The Men

Dear men,

You have probably heard so many words describing all of the ways you are failing. You’ve heard that you either aren’t empowering enough or that you don’t have enough of a backbone. You either don’t know how to pursue, or you move too fast. You are either are too confident or too timid, too successful or not successful enough, too overbearing or not invested enough.

A Fatherless Generation

In this fatherless generation, most of you had to define masculinity on your own. Even those of you who had a father figure, your image of masculinity was shaped by the message of advertisement, the entertainment industry and recent cultural movements. You probably had few examples to look up to, and even fewer godly men to mentor you.

Pornography, homosexuality and infidelity became the norm instead of the exception. The goal of being “on top” was esteemed so highly that it seemed to justify the means. Countless examples have shown that you could get away with overpowering or even violating the very people you were called to protect.

Being unbreakable

Strength was defined as being unbreakable, untouchable, unaffectable. Strong men don’t cry. Strong men don’t ask for help. Strong men don’t admit to any weakness. Strong men push through and don’t rest until it’s done.

Redefining Masculinity

In the midst of all of this, there’s a movement starting that’s redefining masculinity. We have seen it happening around us. We are surrounded by men who have so clearly stepped into who they are that they are causing a ripple effect. We see strong men that are moved by compassion, dare to be undignified in their worship like king David, and are tender-hearted towards the ones they love. We see you and we thank you for the gift that you are.

 

Vulnerability and Strength

The truth is that you are allowed to have needs. You are allowed to be human. You are allowed to be tired, and ask for help. True, lasting strength comes from your ability to lean on God. When you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders, you are invited into His Presence to rest and refill. Vulnerability is not the opposite of strength, it is an expression of it.

An offensive Jesus 

You also have full permission to be unapologetic in your strength. You are allowed to be bold. Jesus, the greatest example of true masculinity, was too! He offended people with truth. He turned tables upside down. He broke every rule in the book in order to defend the weak. He sat in the dirt with sinners. He had dinner with prostitutes and frauds. He spat in the mud to heal a man’s eyes. He got angry. He told some highly-esteemed leaders that they were dead inside. He challenged the rich man to sell everything, and didn’t make any concession when he didn’t return.

The church flannels may have taught us otherwise, but Jesus wasn’t the soft man with purple linen robes, blue eyes and a perfectly curled beard. This softening of the Gospels doesn’t reflect the Jesus that Matthew, Luke and John wrote about.

Jesus as a Man

Jesus was a man. He was bold, and fierce, and honest, and protective, and strong. He was also kind, and gentle. He played with little kids. He let twelve men become his best friends. He retreated often to talk with His Father. He wept when His cousin died. His heart was moved when a woman gave Him a year’s wages to show her dedication to Him. He was tender-hearted, and strong. He was both. And so are you.

You don’t have to apologize for your strength, boldness and power. The world needs you to be a man. You don’t have to shrink in order to make space for others. You don’t have to decrease your masculinity in order to encourage and empower others.

Called to Thrive

You are needed in this world, so it’s time to dream again. Many of you have felt that you needed sacrifice your passion in order to fulfill your obligations and responsibilities. God wants you to be fully alive. He wants you to not merely survive and provide, but to thrive. He is calling you to become a man who is walking out his divine purpose alongside of your passion. God wants you to have both: passion AND purpose.

Your strength is a gift, and God isn’t worried that you’ll build your own kingdom of power. He believes in your ability to fiercely protect what He has given you. He sees your heart to pull others up, to fight for justice, to pursue what God has called you to.

An apology

We, as women,  see your heart, too. We’re sorry for all the times that we’ve made you feel like you weren’t good enough for us. We ask for forgiveness for the high demands we put on you. We never want to make you feel like you lost the game before you even started. It’s time that we, as women, start supporting and championing you, like you do for us.

We’re amazed by your strength and your kindness. We celebrate your unwavering desire to get to the top of whatever mountain you’ve claimed as your own. We believe in you, we know that you’ll get there.

Resetting the standard

 

God wants to breathe life into your dreams. He wants to redefine strength for you. Take your boldness to stand in faith, declaring that you will believe His promises.

There’s enough time left to become the man you are called to be. You are not behind on the timeline of success. You are right where you’re supposed to be and you have what it takes.

We can’t wait to see what you will do with what you’ve been given. Your life is a reflection of the Jesus who has fiery eyes and an open embrace. You represent Him well, and you will set an example for your sons, grandsons and many other young men that are watching you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rebuilding the impossible

From Ashes to Beauty

This season, God is whispering much-needed perspective and understanding when we quiet ourselves before Him. He is rebuilding the impossible right now and redeeming your family line.  He loves how He created you and wants to discover more of who you are with you! It’s time to celebrate, for it’s harvest time!  

 

BE STILL AND KNOW

Psalm 46.10 proclaims, “Be still and know that I am God,” which is a welcome reminder as we emerge from the busyness of the previous season.  Just when we are ready to start this next chapter with gusto, determined to be proactive and really do things right this time, the Lord wants us to slow down.  Take time to just be with Him and listen.  Focus on the testimony of who He’s been to you in the last season.  We have a tendency to push forward into the new season but He’s pulling back the reins a bit, and the reward will be worth it.  He wants to bring specific insight and understanding, but we must be still in order to hear it.  He is releasing a new perspective if we are simply quiet enough to hear Him, and still enough to enjoy His presence.  A beautiful meditation for you in your stillness: “For the Lord is good, and His love endures forever, His faithfulness continues through all generations,” Psalm 100.4.  

REBUILDING THE IMPOSSIBLE

The Lord is rebuilding the impossible.  Things that have felt like they would never change in the past, such as lost children, stuck marriages, difficult family dynamics, misunderstandings, relationships that seem to have ‘failed,’ and business struggles and challenges are all being restored.  The shaking and transition that you’ve been experiencing that has felt uncertain is actually preparing the foundation for Him to rebuild.  This shaking is also setting the stage for relationships with Him to be rebuilt, to restore what has been lost.  Those who have been grieved, offended, wounded, discouraged, distracted, deceived or hopeless He longs to woo back to Himself tenderly and gently.  Leaders that have had great influence and have fallen and have endured scandals or fallout from bad decisions are being restored.  He is also breaking generational curses.  If there is a pattern in your family that you can’t seem to break free from, God wants to redeem your family line.  If you ask, He will show you the role you have to play in bringing your family line under the blood of Jesus.  The undercurrent of all of this is restoration, but it looks like rebuilding.  Get ready for God to blow you away with his fiery love as He draws people closer to Him and closer to each other.  What seemed impossible for so long is now possible!  A theme of this year will be God restoring what has been lost and who has been lost, and it starts now! 

FREEDOM

It is time to explore who God created you to be.  He created you as His own unique masterpiece with all your very own quirks and idiosyncrasies.  Psalm 139.13 declares, “‘You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb, I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Apart from your gifts and callings, which are irrevocable (Romans 11.29), God also treasures all the things that make you gloriously YOU.  He longs to discover the parts of you that you have yet to uncover, whether it’s that you enjoy painting, or whether it’s figuring out your favorite way to eat eggs, or your favorite coffee drink.  He loves spending time with you, and nothing is too trivial for Him.  This season, He wants to explore the nuances of you by your side.  

REJOICE!

It is time for the harvest.  God has seen your generosity of heart and the ways that you’ve given to others, sowing seeds into their future.  It is time to reap the reward for your sacrifice and your toil.  There will be great celebrating and rejoicing as seeds that have been planted, prayers that have been prayed, and promises you’ve been believing for come to fruition!  It is time to feast on the goodness of God, and watch as He orchestrates this divine alignment into His purposes and plans.  

ANGELIC AND BEAUTY

The angelic and spiritual realm are becoming more visible for those that are childlike enough to look.  Children have a purity of heart that can  allow them to see God (Matthew 5.8) more clearly.  God is the originator of beauty and He is making beauty and the angelic more available so that we can engage with what is possible.  Lord, open our eyes to see! 

Declarations:

  1. God breathes a new perspective when I’m still.
  2. God is rebuilding the impossible.  
  3. I have permission to be fully myself.
  4. Seeds planted in hope are being harvested.
  5. My family line is being restored.

Learning Curve

Keep It Simple

A great many people, especially in today’s society find themselves in trouble in their married lives. A majority of the problem lies within the heart of the man, as there is great responsibility to learn to lead your family. IF you are not in the position to learn how to lead your family, because you have been a lone wolf for so many years, well, the time is now to reinvent yourself. Is that even possible? The answer is yes, with God’s helpin the middle of this all, is possible.

Fix your broken marriage by reinventing yourself

Hardly any “marriage expert” will tell you this secret of marital success, primarily because they don’t think in those terms.

But it is true!

You CAN fix your broken marriage by reinventing yourself.

Reinventing yourself is not the same as fixing someone who is broken. Although there may seem to be an implication that there is something “wrong” with you, that is not at all the message.

Let me explain

What it meant is that you who are now in your marriage are probably not you who were adored when you got engaged.

Am I right?

I don’t mean the inner you, but the outer you, that your fiance was so enthralled with.

Contrary to what many people think, marriage is not merely a simple relationship that you enter from engagement, after dating. Marriage is a whole new world! It is as different as can be, and it needs special thinking and actions in order to get out of it what you wish. People bring into their marriages the same skills they use in the rest of the world, and discover their marriages are not anything like what they wanted. Not filled with joy, not very harmonious, and certainly not blissful. They don’t understand why. They “give it all they’ve got”, but still, it doesn’t work.

Reminds me of when I was a kid and decided I could fly.

So with all the determination I could muster at 5 or 6 years old, and all the various methods I could imagine, I wasn’t getting off the ground. I flapped my arms with all my might and speed, and jumped of our porch (nearly broke my ankles), and still no flight! But when I was 18, I went to flight school and learned all I needed to fly. Once I learned, it was easy!

Well, marriage is easy, too; when you know how!

This is the reinvent part; learning the how.

Consider this for starters.

Your marriage is a complex entity of at least six different relationships, all with their own rules. Your broken marriage will continue to break until you, sometimes just one of you, takes your marriage seriously enough to put the time into reinventing your approach to your spouse, the marriage, and yourself.

There is an underlying problem to your current snafu.

But the major underlying, and fixable, problem is very few people are “naturals” for marriage. So, all of this has to be learned. Otherwise, you will be flapping your arms in very creative ways, but will never get off the ground.

Marriage counseling will likely not work for your marriage.

Usually couples get into those because they think along the lines of “I’m not perfect, but they did this, or are always doing that”. Your sessions will not be productive because “human nature” is such that taking blame is very tough, and in those sessions couples are, at best, trying to find “fair”, which does not exist. In fact you will end up going deeper into your broken marriage, as the marriage counselors rarely are well trained.

By now you’ll realized that it doesn’t matter how long you have been married.

Marriages need a very different approach than what is popularly thought. There is a process I came up with to heal your marriage that will work, and it works because it is so obvious it is working as soon as you begin, and then you start to get excited by the prospects; it is hard to beat success and logic.

Here is what one of our new students said only a few days after starting our program.

“The fighting stopped and now I am thinking before I speak. I never thought of doing that before.”

Honestly, there is so much nonsense out there that people who begin our program are amazed at how quickly things change. But the best part is that the changes are permanent. I came up with all our programs because I was a divorce mediator who shifted gears when I saw how many families were collapsing simply because good people had no idea how to be married. When I searched for scientific methods for healing marriages I found NONE! So I created it myself. Now, the experts who review my work call it, above all, “practical”. That means it does what it is suppose to do. Imagine that!

Some couples who use our guidance begin with only the wife, or less often, the husband, taking the program. But I should not say “the” program because there are really two; one for husbands and the other for wives. In these cases we hope the other will see big changes and eventually join in. That is usually how it works when marriages turn around. But even if not, the one who takes the program is not pulling the whole marriage, but rather setting the example.

Even when couples work on their marriage “together” it is the individual effort one makes on themselves that really heals the marriage. You inevitably reinvent yourself.  Then, when you know how to be married, you have a great marriage.

How to Reinvent Yourself to Fix Your Broken Marriage

The first step is to learn about marriage.

How can you fashion yourself into the perfect married person if you don’t understand marriage?

For this you can use a marriage help book that doesn’t just make fun of marriage (like “Men are from Mars”). Books like that are fine for entertainment.

But have you ever heard anyone tell you “that book has changed my life, and my marriage is now great?” No, of course not. It’s a fun book, but not useful for a broken marriage.

Here’s a short story

A short story of a couple, whose husband was an Ashley Madison addict, clutched the book to her chest and said, “This book has saved my life.” Her marriage had been in shambles. Her husband had been on that crazy Ashley Madison site, and was dating young women. She was panicked! They had two little children and she had no idea what to do. But she trusted the book, and me, and never gave up on her husband no matter how far out he got (he was “sick”, so the “in sickness and in health” vow was meaningful to her). They are still together, and doing superbly. Though he never went on our program too, he did read the book.

To sum up, reinventing yourself according to what your marriage needs takes more than a resolution, or changing one or two things. It requires definite and scientific effort.

One thought to keep in mind is although some people think a divorce will put an end to the suffering, and the next marriage will be better; or better to live alone, it is rarely true. But they do not realize how much harder it is to live with their imperfections than it is to fix them, thus saving their marriage.

There is always hope until you quit. If you have a broken marriage, don’t give up. Best to take the next step. Get busy learning about marriage and make up your mind to get it right. You can do it.

What have you got to lose?